I've had a long time to think about what I wanted to say and how to present my feelings properly. I wanted to be real, to get deep down into our personal experiences about pregnancy and motherhood and parenthood. We hear every now and again about Rainbow Babies. If you don't know what a Rainbow Baby is, it's a term for a baby that came after a pregnancy loss. I'll start off with a backstory.

Like many women, it wasn't easy conceiving. I had my first son, Ethan, when I was barely 19 years old, no complications during pregnancy (it was the easiest pregnancy ever), and only one complication during labor - there was meconium (baby pooped in me). Other than that, he was a normal happy baby.





But it was after Kevin and I had gotten married 8 years later that things became difficult. We just couldn't conceive no matter how hard we tried. And when we did, we sadly lost the baby.

I had never had a miscarriage before. It was devastating. I had reached 12 weeks, but unfortunately the baby had not passed 9 weeks before the heart had stopped. I had to get a procedure done called a D&C (dilation and curettage) to remove the fetus from inside me. It took months after that to conceive again. Bless my OB GYN's heart; he did not want me to suffer through another miscarriage, so he took all precautions by monitoring me once every week (a quick ultrasound at the office to check the heartbeat and size) until I passed the 12 week mark, prescribing hormone pills to boost my hormones so I wouldn't lose the baby (my hormones were low). It was difficult, but a fairly normal pregnancy. At 39 weeks, we welcomed sweet Reesie into the world.

A couple years later, Kevin and I talked about expanding our family, but at the time I just wasn't ready. I was working at a salon and had recently been promoted to become a part of the management team. Of course, that's when surprises happen right? When you're not trying. But before I could embrace the fact that we were pregnant, I was told the pregnancy wasn't valid and I would miscarry again. This miscarriage was painful. Because I wasn't so far along (only 7 weeks), I would miscarry without the need of a D&C. I didn't know when it would happen so I couldn't take off work. Instead, I went to work through it and experienced the rest of it at home. It was the worst pain. To be honest though, I wasn't so emotionally invested in that baby if only because as soon as we found out, we lost it. It did break my heart, though, that I was miscarrying yet again.

When we found out we were pregnant with Audrey several months after that, our OB GYN did the same thing he did with Reesie. He monitored me once a week and prescribed the same hormone pills. This pregnancy was a little more difficult because I suffered from sciatic pains that wouldn't allow me to go up and down the stairs well (and we lived on the 2nd floor of an apartment building with the laundry room on the 1st floor). But, despite all that, we welcomed Audrey into the world at 39 weeks.

Kevin and I just figured that this was going to the our normal. If we decided to have one more baby (which we agreed on having 3), we already knew what we had to do in order to keep the pregnancy and not suffer another miscarriage. We weren't sure when we would try again, but knew it would be within the next few months to a year. I'm no spring chicken; I had just turned 35 in November 2018. I did request to wait until after July when our friends Sam and Jon were getting married in Jamaica. I really wanted to go and have fun with our friends that we haven't seen in a long time.

Welp. I guess the Man Upstairs had different plans. SURPRISE!

I just wasn't feeling right around the beginning of February. I was suffering a lot of nausea which is out of the ordinary and a lot of acid reflux (which I do have). I just wasn't feeling right. So, we took a test. Just for fun. I waited a while before taking one because I didn't think it was possible. I tracked my period very carefully, and Kev and I took precautions. But there it was, two pink little lines, staring at me in the face. Now came the panic. Being in Florida, all our doctors were different (all of my trusted doctors were in IL). It took me a while to straighten out my health insurance and find the right doctor in our network. I was running out of time. But my symptoms were so strong. I didn't have that with Reesie and Audrey (although, with Ethan I was nauseous for a little bit). I kept tracking how far along I was while I was struggling with insurance and finding the right doctor. By the time I finally was able to make an appointment to see my new OB GYN, I was already almost 12 weeks.

Miracles do happen. Baby was well, my hormone levels were fine, the heartbeat was strong. A whooping 162! I was already past the 12 week mark so taking hormones wouldn't make a difference at this point.

Each one of my babies are miracles. Each one of them are special in their own way. I love each one of them immensely. But I'm feeling a certain way with this new baby growing inside me. She is strong. I worried about miscarrying like I did before, but she stayed with me. She let me know she was there and she was there to stay. Even now at almost 23 weeks, the nausea hasn't subsided and I feel the worst at night. My belly is heavy, my ligaments stretching. She's fierce, which just leaves me simply amazed.





It reminds me that there are so many mamas out there struggling day to day with pregnancy and infertility, ones who have suffered as I did, or worse, have had a "sleeping" baby or lost an infant. There are mamas out there who have had preemies--tiny little miracles--fighting to live. Some mothers have only been given the opportunity to bear one child, while others were blessed with multiples whether through treatments or naturally. Some women weren't able to have any children of their own at all, but may have had the opportunity to adopt or be blessed with step-children. And of course the women who chose not to have children, but they have fur babies instead.

Each one of you are in my heart, whatever your situation is, because in the end, parenting and motherhood can be difficult, though rewarding. I am currently juggling a teenage boy, a school-age girl, a toddler still stubborn about her diapers, and am about to add an infant into the mix in a few months. We're all in this together. I'll continue to update our progress as time goes by, and hopefully will be able to film vlogs again as well. Thank you for following along so far!

Love,
Mich

It took me a while to find all the right words I wanted to say without writing a book (typical me lol). I realized I can't. So... Let's Story Time shall we?

(Get ready for sappy, corny af content!)

3 years ago we were in Illinois. I was pregnant with Audrey and on bed rest due to sciatic pain in my thighs, legs, and groin and extreme back pain. Kevin had lost his job and was trying to find a new one quickly. Both of us weren't working and had no idea where we would come up with the money for everything (pay rent and utilities, buy groceries, etc). We were depressed, frantic, concerned. For the sake of our kids, we put on a happy face. For the sake of each other, we tried our best to be positive.

In a span of a few months, Audrey was born and we decided to do something extremely drastic: move to another state, Florida. It wasn't easy by any means. It was physically tolling, mentally exhausting, and emotionally draining. Somehow we made it. We then began the process of starting over.

I can say this now with a shrug because when I think of how much he's gone through and where we are now, my appreciation for Kevin swells and those pains we went through seem like small waves in the ocean we call life. He's lost his job, left our friends and family (and especially his mom), worked a temp holiday retail gig, found a job that seemed promising that ended in disappointment...and now is working at a company that has broadened his horizons in sales and business and expanded his networking skills.

In just 3 years, we've gone through all of this. A new baby, moving to another state, rebuilding our empire from the ground up. Together. Stronger than ever. In just 3 short years, we've come so far as a family, as a couple. Now, imagine what we've gone through in the 8 years that we've been married? Or even the 16 years that we've been together in total? Ours was a relationship built from friendship and turned to lovers, but we never stopped being friends. The best of friends. We went through a lot of bad times - years of it - but it has enhanced our appreciation of each other and our worth to each other. The years of trials we've been through have strengthened our bond. It's truly amazing to me when I think of all the blessings and opportunities and things we have now.

Life has significantly changed from 3 years ago. We were presented with a situation that had tested our bond, our marriage, our relationship, our family. Even after we moved to Florida, our bond was still being tested. It took some time to finally feel settled and "okay" again. And then things started to happen that would show us both that things were going to become so much better than we could have imagined. Now our lives are so much different, a testament that with hard work and preservation, good things do come.

I am living life right now. I have an amazing husband who works hard at work and at home, as both a husband and a father. We still confide in each other for everything, talk about anything and everything we can. We are still the best of friends. No matter how tired he is from work, he comes home with a second wind once the girls come running to hug him yelling, "Daddy!" He's ready to dive into his father duties and chores: walking Coco, emptying out the dishwasher, helping me serve the girls their dinner, cleaning up the table, bath time, washing the dishes, taking out the trash, etc. We take joy in grocery shopping together. He looks forward to attending Reesie's gymnastics class, and shows how proud he is of his little girl. Every night he thanks me for today and tells me how much he appreciates everything I do, even if I didn't really do much all day. He compliments each meal I make, whether he eats or not (sometimes he's full from his protein shakes). He teaches the girls to thank me because "Mommy made this with love for us." He subconsciously gives our children the example of how to treat a woman/how a woman should be treated, how a father should be with his children, how a husband should be with his wife, how a man provides for himself and his family, how a gentleman should be thoughtful and helpful and respectful. He values me as a mother, me as a wife, me as whole - who I am and the things that make me, me.

I write these very sentimental things today because today is a special day. Today, we celebrate 8 years of marriage. I wanted to convey my feelings in a special way, but no matter how many times I thought about it over the past few days (we celebrated our 16 year anniversary of when we first started dating on May 1) or tried to type it out, I couldn't limit it to one small paragraph. I wanted to go back a few years so that the extent of my gratitude would be expressed properly.

I appreciate you so much, babe. You do so much for our family, have gone through so much for us. Every day you wake up early to start your day with a smile on your face and still come home with that same smile. You're never too tired, never too busy. Whatever the kids need, you get to it; whatever it is I need done, you're always willing. You still make me laugh as much as you did 16 years ago, even when I'm mad. You still make me feel beautiful and wanted, even when I don't believe you, and never stop telling me even when I don't take your compliments well. You've given me 2 beautiful daughters, and have helped me raise one hell of a son. Even if today is our 8 year wedding anniversary, we still find a way to celebrate our love every day, even in the littlest ways.

Happy 8 year wedding anniversary & happy 16 years of love, babe. I love you.