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MOTHERHOOD MIRACLES
I've had a long time to think about what I wanted to say and how to present my feelings properly. I wanted to be real, to get deep down into our personal experiences about pregnancy and motherhood and parenthood. We hear every now and again about Rainbow Babies. If you don't know what a Rainbow Baby is, it's a term for a baby that came after a pregnancy loss. I'll start off with a backstory.
Like many women, it wasn't easy conceiving. I had my first son, Ethan, when I was barely 19 years old, no complications during pregnancy (it was the easiest pregnancy ever), and only one complication during labor - there was meconium (baby pooped in me). Other than that, he was a normal happy baby.
But it was after Kevin and I had gotten married 8 years later that things became difficult. We just couldn't conceive no matter how hard we tried. And when we did, we sadly lost the baby.
But it was after Kevin and I had gotten married 8 years later that things became difficult. We just couldn't conceive no matter how hard we tried. And when we did, we sadly lost the baby.
I had never had a miscarriage before. It was devastating. I had reached 12 weeks, but unfortunately the baby had not passed 9 weeks before the heart had stopped. I had to get a procedure done called a D&C (dilation and curettage) to remove the fetus from inside me. It took months after that to conceive again. Bless my OB GYN's heart; he did not want me to suffer through another miscarriage, so he took all precautions by monitoring me once every week (a quick ultrasound at the office to check the heartbeat and size) until I passed the 12 week mark, prescribing hormone pills to boost my hormones so I wouldn't lose the baby (my hormones were low). It was difficult, but a fairly normal pregnancy. At 39 weeks, we welcomed sweet Reesie into the world.
A couple years later, Kevin and I talked about expanding our family, but at the time I just wasn't ready. I was working at a salon and had recently been promoted to become a part of the management team. Of course, that's when surprises happen right? When you're not trying. But before I could embrace the fact that we were pregnant, I was told the pregnancy wasn't valid and I would miscarry again. This miscarriage was painful. Because I wasn't so far along (only 7 weeks), I would miscarry without the need of a D&C. I didn't know when it would happen so I couldn't take off work. Instead, I went to work through it and experienced the rest of it at home. It was the worst pain. To be honest though, I wasn't so emotionally invested in that baby if only because as soon as we found out, we lost it. It did break my heart, though, that I was miscarrying yet again.
When we found out we were pregnant with Audrey several months after that, our OB GYN did the same thing he did with Reesie. He monitored me once a week and prescribed the same hormone pills. This pregnancy was a little more difficult because I suffered from sciatic pains that wouldn't allow me to go up and down the stairs well (and we lived on the 2nd floor of an apartment building with the laundry room on the 1st floor). But, despite all that, we welcomed Audrey into the world at 39 weeks.
Kevin and I just figured that this was going to the our normal. If we decided to have one more baby (which we agreed on having 3), we already knew what we had to do in order to keep the pregnancy and not suffer another miscarriage. We weren't sure when we would try again, but knew it would be within the next few months to a year. I'm no spring chicken; I had just turned 35 in November 2018. I did request to wait until after July when our friends Sam and Jon were getting married in Jamaica. I really wanted to go and have fun with our friends that we haven't seen in a long time.
Welp. I guess the Man Upstairs had different plans. SURPRISE!
I just wasn't feeling right around the beginning of February. I was suffering a lot of nausea which is out of the ordinary and a lot of acid reflux (which I do have). I just wasn't feeling right. So, we took a test. Just for fun. I waited a while before taking one because I didn't think it was possible. I tracked my period very carefully, and Kev and I took precautions. But there it was, two pink little lines, staring at me in the face. Now came the panic. Being in Florida, all our doctors were different (all of my trusted doctors were in IL). It took me a while to straighten out my health insurance and find the right doctor in our network. I was running out of time. But my symptoms were so strong. I didn't have that with Reesie and Audrey (although, with Ethan I was nauseous for a little bit). I kept tracking how far along I was while I was struggling with insurance and finding the right doctor. By the time I finally was able to make an appointment to see my new OB GYN, I was already almost 12 weeks.
Miracles do happen. Baby was well, my hormone levels were fine, the heartbeat was strong. A whooping 162! I was already past the 12 week mark so taking hormones wouldn't make a difference at this point.
Each one of my babies are miracles. Each one of them are special in their own way. I love each one of them immensely. But I'm feeling a certain way with this new baby growing inside me. She is strong. I worried about miscarrying like I did before, but she stayed with me. She let me know she was there and she was there to stay. Even now at almost 23 weeks, the nausea hasn't subsided and I feel the worst at night. My belly is heavy, my ligaments stretching. She's fierce, which just leaves me simply amazed.
It reminds me that there are so many mamas out there struggling day to day with pregnancy and infertility, ones who have suffered as I did, or worse, have had a "sleeping" baby or lost an infant. There are mamas out there who have had preemies--tiny little miracles--fighting to live. Some mothers have only been given the opportunity to bear one child, while others were blessed with multiples whether through treatments or naturally. Some women weren't able to have any children of their own at all, but may have had the opportunity to adopt or be blessed with step-children. And of course the women who chose not to have children, but they have fur babies instead.
Each one of you are in my heart, whatever your situation is, because in the end, parenting and motherhood can be difficult, though rewarding. I am currently juggling a teenage boy, a school-age girl, a toddler still stubborn about her diapers, and am about to add an infant into the mix in a few months. We're all in this together. I'll continue to update our progress as time goes by, and hopefully will be able to film vlogs again as well. Thank you for following along so far!
Love,
Mich
It reminds me that there are so many mamas out there struggling day to day with pregnancy and infertility, ones who have suffered as I did, or worse, have had a "sleeping" baby or lost an infant. There are mamas out there who have had preemies--tiny little miracles--fighting to live. Some mothers have only been given the opportunity to bear one child, while others were blessed with multiples whether through treatments or naturally. Some women weren't able to have any children of their own at all, but may have had the opportunity to adopt or be blessed with step-children. And of course the women who chose not to have children, but they have fur babies instead.
Each one of you are in my heart, whatever your situation is, because in the end, parenting and motherhood can be difficult, though rewarding. I am currently juggling a teenage boy, a school-age girl, a toddler still stubborn about her diapers, and am about to add an infant into the mix in a few months. We're all in this together. I'll continue to update our progress as time goes by, and hopefully will be able to film vlogs again as well. Thank you for following along so far!
Love,
Mich
(Looks like another girl! Lol! We were hoping for a boy, but we got ourselves a princess!)
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