Love x Michi

This birthday hit different. Sure, lots of things were different from last year, but it just FELT...better. Nothing extraordinary happened. I didn't receive any crazy extravagant gifts. But it felt...great. Better than it usually does.

My birthday was never a day I got excited about. It was just "a day." I believed it should be about me, but I never felt special.

This year, despite the many hardships the past 365 days, I FELT special. I FELT at peace and giddy with happiness. My eyes were open, my head was clear. I had all the right people in my corner armed with the power of love, forgiveness, and unwavering support. My family and friends, near and far, new and old, all coming together to create the harmony of balance I needed. So much laughter filled my life as the negative energy was banished into the far reaches of my mind.

I've always been an optimist and a hopeless romantic, but it's hard when you're faced with challenges like Covid, and being hundreds of miles away from family and friends, losing a loved one, etc. I had to take a very long break from social media to enjoy my family and bask in their love. We welcomed baby Brie into our lives and my focus was on her this whole year. But challenges have silver linings.

Covid did not disrupt our family. I'm an introvert at heart and enjoy being home. While the kids are going bonkers not being able to go outside, we found things at home to do and enjoyed each other's company. Kev and I never ran out of love to give and laughter to toss out. If anything his obnoxious jokes only intensified but we find him highly entertaining, and I loved him more for his happy attitude about the whole thing despite the situation.

I learned patience and to really step up and give each child their individual attention. From digital learning to homeschooling Audrey and raising a baby in between. Talking with Ethan the way he needs me to: as a parent with understanding for the things he likes and is concerned about, to a friend he can spend time with and laugh with. Playing with Reesie and Audrey, doing more crafts and coloring pages with them, watching Audrey flourish as she navigated homeschool. Brie growing up, her personality developing and blooming. It all came together and made me appreciate my family and their versatility so much. They're such wonderful children, patient and kid, wearing their masks dutifully without complaint, understanding that there's a virus outside that can hurt us and our loved ones. They treasure things easily taken for granted, and don't fuss about it. (They are getting a great Christmas this year!)

Being able to juggle everything was satisfying. I could juggle being a mom to 4 children in different age phases, being a wife and companion, cooking, cleaning, AND playing video games and writing. Writing takes A LOT of work and yet, I could complete 200+ pages in 2-3 months. Yes, I can do that.

That's right! I started gaming again! Wow, that was fun. Ethan and I ran through the entire Halo Series together. (1-4, ODST, and Reach). Started on Heroic to pay attention to the story and currently running through Legendary because we can. There's so many more games we want to play in our queue and spending time with him this way is amazing. Lots of laughter going on and I love that I can spend time with him like this. He IS my son; we bond over things I love because he loves them too. The love I have for this kid is overflowing.

AND I started writing again. I haven't in YEARS, not really. Jotting down ideas and scenes was not the same as starting from the beginning and running through the whole thing with nothing but an epiphany. It was euphoric to say the least.

I have SO MUCH. I am so blessed and so happy. I have vibrated so high that toxicity has fallen out of my frequency (thanks Best Karla for the quote!). Life is so so good. I am so extremely grateful for the support of my family near and far (IL and the Philippines) and all of the love they have for me and us. I am so grateful for all our friends (the ARMY we have in IL and all our wonderful new ones here in FL).

It was an amazing Thanksgiving cooking from scratch for my family. Being told "you're the best Mommy ever" touched my heart in ways I can't describe. Being able to provide them delicious meals they enjoy so much is exciting. Just watching the way their eyes light up is satisfaction enough. And my birthday days later, though nothing overly exciting happened, was still so much fun. I had my family with me, healthy and happy, and that was the best present I could ask for.

Thank you all for the birthday wishes. I love each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. We're excited to get the holidays started! And start this amazing [new] adventure. Ethan is turning 18 and graduating high school, I have things in the works, we've decided to pick up where we left off with vlogs, etc. I've taken a long enough social media break. It's time to get this party really started.

Don't believe me? Just watch.

Love,
Mich

2:26 PM No comments

I've had a long time to think about what I wanted to say and how to present my feelings properly. I wanted to be real, to get deep down into our personal experiences about pregnancy and motherhood and parenthood. We hear every now and again about Rainbow Babies. If you don't know what a Rainbow Baby is, it's a term for a baby that came after a pregnancy loss. I'll start off with a backstory.

Like many women, it wasn't easy conceiving. I had my first son, Ethan, when I was barely 19 years old, no complications during pregnancy (it was the easiest pregnancy ever), and only one complication during labor - there was meconium (baby pooped in me). Other than that, he was a normal happy baby.

But it was after Kevin and I had gotten married 8 years later that things became difficult. We just couldn't conceive no matter how hard we tried. And when we did, we sadly lost the baby.

I had never had a miscarriage before. It was devastating. I had reached 12 weeks, but unfortunately the baby had not passed 9 weeks before the heart had stopped. I had to get a procedure done called a D&C (dilation and curettage) to remove the fetus from inside me. It took months after that to conceive again. Bless my OB GYN's heart; he did not want me to suffer through another miscarriage, so he took all precautions by monitoring me once every week (a quick ultrasound at the office to check the heartbeat and size) until I passed the 12 week mark, prescribing hormone pills to boost my hormones so I wouldn't lose the baby (my hormones were low). It was difficult, but a fairly normal pregnancy. At 39 weeks, we welcomed sweet Reesie into the world.

A couple years later, Kevin and I talked about expanding our family, but at the time I just wasn't ready. I was working at a salon and had recently been promoted to become a part of the management team. Of course, that's when surprises happen right? When you're not trying. But before I could embrace the fact that we were pregnant, I was told the pregnancy wasn't valid and I would miscarry again. This miscarriage was painful. Because I wasn't so far along (only 7 weeks), I would miscarry without the need of a D&C. I didn't know when it would happen so I couldn't take off work. Instead, I went to work through it and experienced the rest of it at home. It was the worst pain. To be honest though, I wasn't so emotionally invested in that baby if only because as soon as we found out, we lost it. It did break my heart, though, that I was miscarrying yet again.

When we found out we were pregnant with Audrey several months after that, our OB GYN did the same thing he did with Reesie. He monitored me once a week and prescribed the same hormone pills. This pregnancy was a little more difficult because I suffered from sciatic pains that wouldn't allow me to go up and down the stairs well (and we lived on the 2nd floor of an apartment building with the laundry room on the 1st floor). But, despite all that, we welcomed Audrey into the world at 39 weeks.

Kevin and I just figured that this was going to the our normal. If we decided to have one more baby (which we agreed on having 3), we already knew what we had to do in order to keep the pregnancy and not suffer another miscarriage. We weren't sure when we would try again, but knew it would be within the next few months to a year. I'm no spring chicken; I had just turned 35 in November 2018. I did request to wait until after July when our friends Sam and Jon were getting married in Jamaica. I really wanted to go and have fun with our friends that we haven't seen in a long time.

Welp. I guess the Man Upstairs had different plans. SURPRISE!

I just wasn't feeling right around the beginning of February. I was suffering a lot of nausea which is out of the ordinary and a lot of acid reflux (which I do have). I just wasn't feeling right. So, we took a test. Just for fun. I waited a while before taking one because I didn't think it was possible. I tracked my period very carefully, and Kev and I took precautions. But there it was, two pink little lines, staring at me in the face. Now came the panic. Being in Florida, all our doctors were different (all of my trusted doctors were in IL). It took me a while to straighten out my health insurance and find the right doctor in our network. I was running out of time. But my symptoms were so strong. I didn't have that with Reesie and Audrey (although, with Ethan I was nauseous for a little bit). I kept tracking how far along I was while I was struggling with insurance and finding the right doctor. By the time I finally was able to make an appointment to see my new OB GYN, I was already almost 12 weeks.

Miracles do happen. Baby was well, my hormone levels were fine, the heartbeat was strong. A whooping 162! I was already past the 12 week mark so taking hormones wouldn't make a difference at this point.

Each one of my babies are miracles. Each one of them are special in their own way. I love each one of them immensely. But I'm feeling a certain way with this new baby growing inside me. She is strong. I worried about miscarrying like I did before, but she stayed with me. She let me know she was there and she was there to stay. Even now at almost 23 weeks, the nausea hasn't subsided and I feel the worst at night. My belly is heavy, my ligaments stretching. She's fierce, which just leaves me simply amazed.

It reminds me that there are so many mamas out there struggling day to day with pregnancy and infertility, ones who have suffered as I did, or worse, have had a "sleeping" baby or lost an infant. There are mamas out there who have had preemies--tiny little miracles--fighting to live. Some mothers have only been given the opportunity to bear one child, while others were blessed with multiples whether through treatments or naturally. Some women weren't able to have any children of their own at all, but may have had the opportunity to adopt or be blessed with step-children. And of course the women who chose not to have children, but they have fur babies instead.

Each one of you are in my heart, whatever your situation is, because in the end, parenting and motherhood can be difficult, though rewarding. I am currently juggling a teenage boy, a school-age girl, a toddler still stubborn about her diapers, and am about to add an infant into the mix in a few months. We're all in this together. I'll continue to update our progress as time goes by, and hopefully will be able to film vlogs again as well. Thank you for following along so far!

Love,
Mich

(Looks like another girl! Lol! We were hoping for a boy, but we got ourselves a princess!)

8:16 PM No comments

[circa 2008]

It took me a while to find all the right words I wanted to say without writing a book (typical me lol). I realized I can't. So... Let's Story Time shall we?

(Get ready for sappy, corny af content!)

3 years ago we were in Illinois. I was pregnant with Audrey and on bed rest due to sciatic pain in my thighs, legs, and groin and extreme back pain. Kevin had lost his job and was trying to find a new one quickly. Both of us weren't working and had no idea where we would come up with the money for everything (pay rent and utilities, buy groceries, etc). We were depressed, frantic, concerned. For the sake of our kids, we put on a happy face. For the sake of each other, we tried our best to be positive.

In a span of a few months, Audrey was born and we decided to do something extremely drastic: move to another state, Florida. It wasn't easy by any means. It was physically tolling, mentally exhausting, and emotionally draining. Somehow we made it. We then began the process of starting over.

[Disney Springs, December 2016]

I can say this now with a shrug because when I think of how much he's gone through and where we are now, my appreciation for Kevin swells and those pains we went through seem like small waves in the ocean we call life. He's lost his job, left our friends and family (and especially his mom), worked a temp holiday retail gig, found a job that seemed promising that ended in disappointment...and now is working at a company that has broadened his horizons in sales and business and expanded his networking skills.

In just 3 years, we've gone through all of this. A new baby, moving to another state, rebuilding our empire from the ground up. Together. Stronger than ever. In just 3 short years, we've come so far as a family, as a couple. Now, imagine what we've gone through in the 8 years that we've been married? Or even the 16 years that we've been together in total? Ours was a relationship built from friendship and turned to lovers, but we never stopped being friends. The best of friends. We went through a lot of bad times - years of it - but it has enhanced our appreciation of each other and our worth to each other. The years of trials we've been through have strengthened our bond. It's truly amazing to me when I think of all the blessings and opportunities and things we have now.

[Georgia, July 2017 📸 Rachelle "Cheeseface" Billedo Son]

Life has significantly changed from 3 years ago. We were presented with a situation that had tested our bond, our marriage, our relationship, our family. Even after we moved to Florida, our bond was still being tested. It took some time to finally feel settled and "okay" again. And then things started to happen that would show us both that things were going to become so much better than we could have imagined. Now our lives are so much different, a testament that with hard work and preservation, good things do come.

I am living life right now. I have an amazing husband who works hard at work and at home, as both a husband and a father. We still confide in each other for everything, talk about anything and everything we can. We are still the best of friends. No matter how tired he is from work, he comes home with a second wind once the girls come running to hug him yelling, "Daddy!" He's ready to dive into his father duties and chores: walking Coco, emptying out the dishwasher, helping me serve the girls their dinner, cleaning up the table, bath time, washing the dishes, taking out the trash, etc. We take joy in grocery shopping together. He looks forward to attending Reesie's gymnastics class, and shows how proud he is of his little girl. Every night he thanks me for today and tells me how much he appreciates everything I do, even if I didn't really do much all day. He compliments each meal I make, whether he eats or not (sometimes he's full from his protein shakes). He teaches the girls to thank me because "Mommy made this with love for us." He subconsciously gives our children the example of how to treat a woman/how a woman should be treated, how a father should be with his children, how a husband should be with his wife, how a man provides for himself and his family, how a gentleman should be thoughtful and helpful and respectful. He values me as a mother, me as a wife, me as whole - who I am and the things that make me, me.

[Halloween, 2010] [PPIA Graduation Ceremony, December 2008]

I write these very sentimental things today because today is a special day. Today, we celebrate 8 years of marriage. I wanted to convey my feelings in a special way, but no matter how many times I thought about it over the past few days (we celebrated our 16 year anniversary of when we first started dating on May 1) or tried to type it out, I couldn't limit it to one small paragraph. I wanted to go back a few years so that the extent of my gratitude would be expressed properly.

[Disney Springs, May 2007] [Disney Springs, July 2015]

I appreciate you so much, babe. You do so much for our family, have gone through so much for us. Every day you wake up early to start your day with a smile on your face and still come home with that same smile. You're never too tired, never too busy. Whatever the kids need, you get to it; whatever it is I need done, you're always willing. You still make me laugh as much as you did 16 years ago, even when I'm mad. You still make me feel beautiful and wanted, even when I don't believe you, and never stop telling me even when I don't take your compliments well. You've given me 2 beautiful daughters, and have helped me raise one hell of a son. Even if today is our 8 year wedding anniversary, we still find a way to celebrate our love every day, even in the littlest ways.

Happy 8 year wedding anniversary & happy 16 years of love, babe. I love you.

[circa 2007] [September 2015]

[Audrey on the left, Reesie on the right] [Chef Mickey, July 2015]

[Disney Springs, December 2018]

9:58 PM No comments

I'm a little proud of myself. I was able to overcome being awkward and unsure about vlogging on YouTube and decided to just go for it. And, for a while, I was doing a good job planning out my vlogs and editing them within a reasonable amount of time. After my last video - of my best friends at Disney's Boardwalk - I had a hard time keeping track of time and content to create. Reesie starting kindergarten was definitely hard on the filming schedule. I know I should have just gone right ahead and filmed a huge haul video of the back-to-school clothes I had bought for her (with some goodies for Audrey too), but Reesie really wanted to be a part of it. I had also filmed some really quick unboxing of blind bag toys we had found in the clearance section at Walmart that I never got around to editing.

I just got a little overwhelmed and got off track. Time was moving so fast that I felt I didn't have enough of it. Go here, run there, drive back and forth.

Then, quite suddenly, we solidified our decision to take a last minute trip to Chicago!

I did vlog in Chicago, but we were so busy going to so many places and seeing so many people that there was just no time to edit. I told myself the minute I had some free time I would; I had also promised Ethan's and Reesie's teachers that the kids would do their best to do homework/practice work. Unfortunately there just wasn't any time. It was just so jam-packed that we'd get home around midnight and just fall asleep in exhaustion - but we had such a fun time seeing our friends and family!

I know it's been a week and a half since we've been back from Chicago. I have been busy editing these videos. Hopefully I will be able to upload the first of 3-4 vlogs later this afternoon. I feel so bad that I've fallen off social media. It really does take a lot of work to upload multiple posts on multiple social media platforms. A lot of things have been going on, good things, and I'm hoping to come up with more content in the near future. For now, I have a few videos and a TON of pictures from our trip to Chicago.

I want to take the time to thank all our friends and family who have been supportive of us and who take the time to watch our videos. Please subscribe to our YouTube channel and let us know that you're watching! Like, thumbs up, double tap, all that good stuff! Subscribing is crucial! I know it's been a while and your patience is appreciated. I will be posting a lot again soon!

Love sincerely,

Mich

12:58 PM No comments

Hi, Lovelies!

Look what I found!

(borrowed from their Facebook page)

Okay, okay. I didn't find it. I was invited to meet a few moms there for a playdate.

The Breakroom (coffee&more) is a cute little coffee shop hidden in a plaza. I'm not going to lie, I've passed this plaza countless times and never saw it. Sure, I saw their sign on those big plaza entrance signs, but I never noticed it whenever we did go into the plaza. It's located kind of embedded into The Crossings Church. It is such an adorable space! Homey and cozy with a farmhouse feel and a giant chalkboard wall decorated so intricately behind the register. (I unfortunately was not able to get a picture of this wall, but you best believe I will the next time I am there!)

The Breakroom Cafe

Instagram: @thebreakroomcoffee

There's a little section off to the side where a variety of kids' toys and books are so that the children can play. They also have a large patio with outdoor toys if the children want to play outside. It was a cute little place to have a Welcome Meeting for the mom group I became a part of a few weeks ago. It was nice to sit with these moms and get to know them while our children got to know each other and began to play with each other.

Today was the second time we've met there, the third time I've gotten together with them. There are approximately 40+ moms in the group and growing steadily, but I've only acquainted myself with about 6, one of them -- the co-founder -- a neighbor of ours right down our street! She is awesome, by the way. Nice and down-to-earth and super understanding. It's great to get along really well with other female humans over the age of puberty. 😂

I had a really great time today, talking with the other moms and getting to know them better. It feels so good to be able to get out of the house with the kids for something fun. For those of you who are new, Kevin and I moved to Central Florida from Chicago. I'll leave out all the details for next time (I know I blogged about our move in a previous post). The point is, it's been lonely. We've left our friends and family behind. We were hoping that our children would become friends and grow up together the same way we all did, but it didn't work out that way. My goal now is to find and build meaningful friendships for my children who can carry that friendship through their school years for as long as we're in this neighborhood (and we're hoping to stay in this general area for many many years). My brother and I made friends in elementary school who we stayed friends with up until our adulthood, and it is my wish that my children have this same opportunity.

I am extremely grateful to come across this group of moms. I have thus far enjoyed myself and my girls are enjoying themselves as well, especially Reesie who looks forward to our playdates. I hope that our children will be able to create great friendships with each other, and I hope to have great friendships with this group of moms as well. Building meaningful friendships for the kids is just a part of it; I want to be able to make new friends down here too. I miss my friends a lot, and it does get lonely. I'm a stay-at-home mom now, so socializing is very limited to in-depth conversations with a 5-year-old and a 23-month-old (who isn't really talking yet). So to be able to be surrounded 1-3 times a week with these wonderful women and their children is a godsend. I don't feel alone and awkward taking the girls to the park by myself and having to entertain them by myself; I can be confident that the moment we arrive at our playdate -- whether it's the park, the Breakroom (which happens at least once a week), or something else -- Reesie will feel confident when she sees her friends and go off on her own, and Audrey might meet a few friends her age as well that she can grow up with and play with. I am also given the opportunity to talk to someone else and just relax for once, even if it's just a couple hours of the day.

If you haven't yet, click on the link to The Breakroom and read up on them. No, I'm not a member of their church; I just really like The Breakroom. I love how cute it is, and I love how they've come about. I had their Iced Vanilla Chai Latte which was delicious. Reesie wanted a chocolate muffin, and Audrey and I shared an apple lattice. I hope they don't mind that I blogged about their cute place!

The Breakroom - thank you for allowing us moms to get together with each other while our children play loudly in the kids' area. You guys are amazing!

Love sincerely,

Mich 💕

8:46 PM No comments

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